People lessons

I have been getting so mad at myself lately for not knowing better. This year so far has sucked friendship/relationship wise. I try so hard for people, to go out of my way, to prove (and sometimes buy) my love. Yet I rarely feel the same kind of love back. 80% of the time I feel left out, used and not appreciated. I feel like I put tons of thought into stuff and others are not even phased by it. When I am hurt I'm always scared to tell that person how I feel because I am so scared that they will be mad at me. Be mad at me and treat me even worse. So I end up burying my feelings and proceed to allow them to hurt me. I've never been the type of person to not help a friend out when we try to do something together, if they need to be spotted I'll do it so we can have fun. Sometimes I get paid back, sometimes I don't. I'm definitely not saying its about money, but it sucks to treat people and never get treated back. I go out of my way to include people, invite them to things (even when I know they won't be able to go, just to make them feel wanted) and I get left out in the cold. I'm never thought of it seems like.

However, I can say I have a few select people in my life who have never made me feel this way. Friendship is a team, just like a marriage is a team. It takes effort from two people to make it work. I've gotten rid of a few people in my life for being a toxic friend and I'm proud I was able to do that. I just wish I could stop being SO NICE! I know thats a weird thing to wish for...but it would save me alot of heartache and hurt feelings. I'm tired of giving people the benefit of the doubt, second (and third and fourth) chances, and the special treatment. I want so bad to just do for me, myself and I (plus my husband and children of course)...and to be damned with everyone else. Maybe one day I'll learn my lesson. Or maybe one day I'll grow tougher skin and won't let things affect me so easily. Maybe....just maybe...

18 weeks to go

I'm just about 22 weeks pregnant. Everything so far has been great with the pregnancy. I haven't gained an unexcusable amount of weight like I did with Lena. Baby is totally healthy and active. I go in two weeks for the dreaded glucose test, yuk!

Lena is so funny, she makes me laugh all day long. Okay...maybe not ALL day long, she has her moments of driving me nuts. But I wouldn't have my life any other way. She's talking alot better and loves to draw. Her newest obsession is Oscar, she adores that dog. We took him yesterday to get a bath at the groomers and she cried for almost 45mins after leaving him. All she could say was "I want soscar"...it was quite cute and sad. Needless to say, she was estatic once he got home....

Lets give this another try...

My husband and I are both dog lovers. We have a heart for those puppy dog eyes and slobbery kisses. Needless to say, in the 5 years we have been together we have been thru ALOT of dogs. Its sad, but true. They get killed, commit suicide, tear apart my house, banned by our house insurance provider...you name it, its happened. Yet somehow we have managed to keep Ruthie for almost 4 years. She is our spastic Min-Pin terrier mix ball of craziness. We got her when she was just a baby, sick with kennel cough from a coworker of mine. She's pretty perfect....house trained, doesn't tear junk up, listens. Yet like I said, she is a complete spaz! You cannot hold her, or cuddle with her. She's very uppity and acts like a scaredy cat. Lena is 3 years old and she is JUST now opening up to her. So we have been on a somewhat quest to find the perfect dog who will be awesome and amazing with Lena and our future kids. I have ALWAYS and FOREVER had a love for the Boxer breed. They are just gorgeous to me, I love their unique look. The other night on Netflix we all watched a show about dogs and decided it time to find Lena a dog. Has she had dogs before? Yes...puppies. Puppies are so cute and cuddly. But they are like a baby. I don't have the time or drive to care for a puppy, I'm about to have a baby in 4 months myself. I wanted a housetrained, young, healthy, kid friendly dog....if it was a boxer, even better. Well much to my surprise we found HIM on criagslist of all places! His name is Oscar Tank and he is pretty much the total package. Not only does he meet all my requirements, he also knows commands, and is a pure bred Boxer (with papers!). The guy who had time had to go out of town all the time for work and just couldn't give Oscar the love and attention he deserved. So for a small rehoming fee (and I mean small, still shocked over what I paid for a boxer!) he is now a Baggett =) Lena is head over heels crazy in love with him

2011

Its been a long time since I've blogged. Alot has changed. My goals, views, and life. I was so wrapped up in school and starting my career last time I was on here. Obviously my career never got started. Job market sucks right now....or maybe I wasn't what hospitals were looking for. Either way, this is both a bummer and blessing. Bummer because I worked SO hard in school to succeed and to be the best...and get nothing but a piece of paper saying I graduated. Blessing because we're expanding our family =) John David Garland is due May 26th, I'm halfway on my journey to meet him. I am totally enjoying my time at home being Lena's mom, and can't wait to be a mom-of-two. John has also been blessed with an awesome new job that has allowed me to stay at home...which is wonderful. I'm so over my whole makeup fetish. Don't get me wrong, I still love reading about new products and getting dolled up every now and then. But its just not a big deal to me anymore. I have every piece of makeup I'll probably ever need, so I guess I'm "complete". My current project is baby John's room. It was our "junk" room and boy did it had alot crap in it! I've cleared out a futon bed, computer desk, chairs, desktop....just stuff! We are keeping the two bookshelves we have in there because, well...we have no other place for them. Got his crib up last night and waiting on his bedding to come in. I might paint...I might not. Who knows whats to come...