Memphis

The city I was born and raised in...Memphis, TN. I get a torn feeling in my heart when I think about you. I grew up and had my childhood right there in Whitehaven on Haleville. Memories of playing outside in the ditch, riding our bike down the street thru the big bush, taking walks around the little and big block fill my head. Its also where I picked up most of my childhood baggage and pain. Here in Memphis. Every friend I've ever made was from here. And yes, I know I'm not technically in Memphis right now, but who knows where Horn Lake, MS is? Haha! All my family is essentially from "here". My aunts, uncles, cousins....my kin folk. I don't know how to live anywhere else than here. I know this area, I know what streets to avoid, easier ways to get certain places, ect. Last night we went down to Kix on Beale, took the Riverside way. Memphis looks beautiful. You get captured by it, as you river along the Mississippi, see the bridge, the Pyramid, and buildings, the rich houses on the hill. I can't deny that its pretty. But I'm not fooled by the exterior because I've been here my whole life. I know the good, the bad and the ugly of Memphis. I'm not too sure that I want to be here the rest of my life. Or raise my children here. I feel like I need a change.

Two weeks ago we went to Knoxville for a job interview I had at UT Medical Center. My DREAM hospital to work at. When I started the CVT program 2 years ago, I knew UTMC was someplace I'd love to work. The interview went swimmingly. I meet all the "head" people, some of the doctors, the staff. Its wonderful there. After I left the interview, we went to look at apartments. Just trying to get an "idea" of where we wanted to live just in case I actually got the job. And we pretty much found the apartments we would move into. Everybody raved about how the school system up there was really good and how safe it is around the city. Exactly what you want to hear when potentially moving there. That night in the hotel, Lena was playing with her play phone and was talking to her PawPaw on it. Broke my heart and I cried at the thought of being away from my family. And my friends...because lets face it, some of my friends are way closer to me than some of my own family.

So now I wait. And wait. And wait. Wait to know if they want me or not. All I can really do is pray about it. I've applied to every tech position in the Memphis area and have gotten nothing. Not a phone call, or interview. Although I have gotten several emails saying I'm not qualified. Which is a bunch of bull in my opinion because I went to school specifically for THAT job! If UT doesn't call I feel like I'll always be stuck in a rut...living paycheck to paycheck, never getting ahead. Unless something around here opens up and I actually get hired. Yet, it UT does call...I'll have to leave a huge chunk of my heart behind, my "home". Who knew going for your dream was such a painful process.....

So the point of this post was to tell you Memphis that I love you, but I think I'll be okay if we have to part and go our separate ways....because you always know you'll have a piece of my heart